I still have a lot I want to
share about Brave Magic.
So here is post three:
all about *MOTHERFUCKATUDE*, as coined by Cheryl Strayed.
When I think about power in a general sense, I usually get stuck on how it is misused by old white guys — the patriarchy, you know? And how systems support power in ways that hurt and destroy the most vulnerable. Power can be so negative, and yet — everyone is in search for some.
The key when considering your own power is to redefine it.
Power isn’t about strength.
It is certainly NOT about control.
Power is about breaking open.
Don’t you just love that sentiment? The idea that you, as a person, can break open? As though you’re full of magic and light and mystery in which something has to break in order for it all to be revealed? I mean, I FEEL THAT.
True power is about a certain kind of surrender. It is about vulnerability. Your power is your responsibility, and being vulnerable is where true innate power gets a chance to grow. And like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, even in your deepest despair, you’ve always had your power. But it is when we are vulnerable, we allow ourselves to access it.
The writing exercise for this was of course, to write ourselves a letter to our power––reminding ourselves of the times we have harnessed the power within.
It is always a struggle. Like so many women do, I put my power to the side for a long time trying to please others, care-take and say yes. By the time all that was done, my energy was spent, making me feel powerless.
However, this year I have tried to rethink power — how to use it, what it means in my life, and I have realized that my power is best harnessed when I put my truest desires first. Taking back my time and words — in order to create something more authentic.
But I am still bound to the expectations of others, and as I learn to use my power to become more authentically me (not less) that power will grow. I will use my words and time and attention to grow in myself — not shut myself out or give power to others in my place.
And, my innate feminine goddess power is all I need. (Yeah, that is a real thing).
I wish I had been more forthcoming in this letter — it feels to me now like a bit of pre-writing, trying to get at the real issue. When it comes to my writing especially (which is where I find my true power), I was writing for others, highlighting others, showcasing other people’s creativity and work. And the problem was that the work I was doing in the writing of it was starting to strip me of my voice. I was doing nothing more than giving voice and space to others. Which in its own way, is so rewarding and gave me such a wonderful community. But, I (myself as a creative person) was completely lost.
Who was going to write for me? Who was going to give me a voice? Who was going to showcase my creativity?
Oh right. No one but myself.
So the shift was inevitable. I had to get my own voice back. That’s what I have been working on. That is the power I am trying to harness.
Here something to consider: “Have you made something impossible, possible?”
Cheryl said we have all done this but I literally could not think of a good example from my life. Had I made anything impossible, possible? That question, while asked with 100% certainty that everyone in the room had done this — made me feel a bit like a failure.
I couldn’t (and still can’t) think of something I thought was impossible, but made it possible. When I dig a little deeper, I wonder if that is because there are few things I think are actually impossible. But I am still grappling with this question.
She followed up with:
What are your distractions?
“Quit thinking about how your life will curate in an instagram feed. IT DOES NOT MATTER.”
I can say I have made good on taking a break from that distraction and have been working diligently to put the power back into my VOICE. And while I feel far away from living the creative life I can see when I close my eyes, I am proud that I am making steps to get there.
And, that is what we call harnessing your MOTHERFUCKATUDE.
For me right now it is more like
but it is growing.