forchoosing myselfsaying no when you thought i'd say yesnot wanting to be touched wanting nothing but to be touched for taking up space and promising to take up even more making you feel uncomfortable for any reason not liking you not spending one moment worrying about what you think for not having a perfect body,... Continue Reading →
Written after songwriting class with Love Femme from Amo Amo who put these lyrics to music in the most haunting, beautiful way. Forever grateful. Poems and Power \ w Chelsea Diane Love song for Clementine FIRST VERSE: Your hair, a tangle of shadows.Long legs, tumble over spring grass.Fingers that are my arrow. Eyes, the north... Continue Reading →
I stayed in bed all morning.Sun through the large window,bathing the cat and my calves in January sunbursts, rays of yellow. The coffee spilled; I didn't mind. I am unbothered. I absorb only light, only breath. The yous around me vanishuntil I say "you are the you right now".I orchestrate the time for entering; exiting.I... Continue Reading →
Focused on the fucking heart that has been jumping out of my throat. That skin I've kept trying to change. I am quiet. Which doesn't mean silent,but rather finally able to feel the scream. How sometimes it felt like choking on coagulated clots. Even in moments I loved. Ones I felt full of sound. The... Continue Reading →
My hair started falling out.Breaking off. Telling me no. Screaming at me, punishing. Money -- funneled to products, vitamins, serums.Nearly prayed. The blond, confused tanglesare just now starting to understand again-that I am in charge. Small, brand new hairspushing their way throughmy scalp, like tulips looking for sun when snow is still covering their sleepy... Continue Reading →
Between the rosé and the cheese plate,I figured it all out. Or actually, I figured out absolutely nothing, and that was everything. I left what I knew about myself and decided to remember the old parts. The parts that lived in the breath and blood.Giving me controlled life along the way, until I surrendered. Finally... Continue Reading →
I am learning my own language. The sounds and subtext of my bodywhen the vowels make long, drawnout sounds, and when they stop suddenly. Blunt and obvious. I haven't spoken this language of mein a long time, and I am stumbling through every awkward sentence. Did you hear me?Do you understand me?Is all of myself... Continue Reading →
I am a highway they've tried to change. Because I am something not everyone knows how to love. I triumph like a girl; an overwhelmingly dangerous animal is a part of me. Teeth baring and protective of my meal. Here I am. Alive more than some. When I write words on paper. When I see... Continue Reading →
It's not plot. It's what comes in night terrors and dreamy dripping fantasies that take over the afternoon. Things that don't make sense, finding their way inside chest cavities, through open-ended questions, burning paper with every single thing that needs to be forgotten. Or repaired. Or rebuilt. Lyrics I forgot I knew until the song... Continue Reading →
To bud life at the root, you must cut off the dead. Slice through the heart of what is no longer growing. Trap the energy in the fingerlings that reach up and out to portals that are waiting for new, green sprouts. Blooms buried so deep the only way to coax them out is a... Continue Reading →
Last night, I walked in the rain for the first time in decades. Let the cold water soak my clothes until my skin glistened like a waterfall. Eyes wide; skin shedding. No running, no rushing. Born from the uncomfortable. I am at stand still on a long road in the blue... Continue Reading →
A lesson learned the hard way growing up in the pews of buildings that spiral to heaven, you memorize the muted colors of hymnals and padded folding chairs. the small hairs in your ears, back of arms, knowing by heart every phrase separating you from anything other. all the colorful. all the raw. the... Continue Reading →
In The Way 