Between the rosé and the cheese plate,I figured it all out. Or actually, I figured out absolutely nothing, and that was everything. I left what I knew about myself and decided to remember the old parts. The parts that lived in the breath and blood.Giving me controlled life along the way, until I surrendered. Finally... Continue Reading →
I am learning my own language. The sounds and subtext of my bodywhen the vowels make long, drawnout sounds, and when they stop suddenly. Blunt and obvious. I haven't spoken this language of mein a long time, and I am stumbling through every awkward sentence. Did you hear me?Do you understand me?Is all of myself... Continue Reading →
I am a highway they've tried to change. Because I am something not everyone knows how to love. I triumph like a girl; an overwhelmingly dangerous animal is a part of me. Teeth baring and protective of my meal. Here I am. Alive more than some. When I write words on paper. When I see... Continue Reading →
It's not plot. It's what comes in night terrors and dreamy dripping fantasies that take over the afternoon. Things that don't make sense, finding their way inside chest cavities, through open-ended questions, burning paper with every single thing that needs to be forgotten. Or repaired. Or rebuilt. Lyrics I forgot I knew until the song... Continue Reading →
A lesson learned the hard way growing up in the pews of buildings that spiral to heaven, you memorize the muted colors of hymnals and padded folding chairs. the small hairs in your ears, back of arms, knowing by heart every phrase separating you from anything other. all the colorful. all the raw. the... Continue Reading →
It's just under my pink paper skin.The deep, dark sadness that comes from a year of waiting. Holding. Staying. Everything a wash of blurred grey;the clearness of lines, gone. Facessunken from lack of color, eyes downcast, limbs treading water like dogs nearly swept under a current of chaos. I am small. Sinking into myself morewith... Continue Reading →
The rusty blood crust that waits in the corners. It’s always been there. Now with a sidecar of brave. You're hunted on the street like an animal the same animal you came from. Different skin. There was hope once. Now it’s a never-ending shuffle of kaleidoscope pandemic fueled disaster plans and hand... Continue Reading →
I can’t quantify a year. Or ten. I can’t look back and say ...this moment was best. Because every second that my feet find their way to the cold hardwood floor each morning is a second I want to breathe in, like molecules full of energy bursting the moment they hit my lungs with the... Continue Reading →
The purple bowl with the dopey-eyed lama flies through the air, landing face-down on the hardwood, oatmeal exploding from all sides like an eruption of sticky silt landing heavy in a circumference of at least twelve feet from the epicenter. The unmistakable sound shatters the tantrum from the kitchen table and paralyzes me in the... Continue Reading →
The stars spin around her room, like we are underwater, in a fishbowl in a house in a life of coming and going. The rain has started and the mornings are so dark, stars bleed into the hallway, on the floor of the kitchen where the cat paws at the rug. The stream of cosmos... Continue Reading →
I wrote this two weeks ago: Not very often in my life do I feel so overwhelmed or stretched thin that I feel close to breaking. In fact, my breaking point is so incredibly hard to get to, I sometimes wonder if I have one. I also sometimes wonder that if my breaking point were... Continue Reading →
Afterwards, I am a subtraction. On the periphery. Exterior. Pinched into thin concaving bows of salty smoke. I inhale, and blow out. Ballooned contouring at a distance. Alone, I am here. I can’t remember if it was by choice. Separate but not entirely abandoned, until the lines connect and collide emptied of me. Habitual.... Continue Reading →
In The Way 