Over the past few months, as I have been embarking on this new writing journey––I have had an overwhelming desire to reach deeper, find my inner witchy goddess (yes, I just said that), and connect with other women who feel that creative burn in the pit of their gut.
There is this connection I am trying to make between living my most creative life, putting myself in the way of beauty, and at the same time connecting to that all powerful feminine that for me, is really radiating right now.
(I mean, I told my sister that I was interested in learning more about crystals a few weeks ago and she nearly fell over.)
While I have always been a fierce feminist, women’s rights activist, and fighter against the patriarchy — I have never dived into the intuitive nature of the feminine, or the power of the elements around us. In that vein, I haven’t ever really bought into things like feng shui or horoscopes. It’s all seemed too campy to me; contrived, theoretical, unpractical.
I get it — I see that these things have power for people, but they have never held all that much power for me, personally.
I’ve never cast spells, put crystals in the sun to ‘charge’, or looked to tarot cards for insight. I have never given a shit about the solstice.
(I HAVE had my cards read by others — a few times. And while I have always found those readings interesting and sometimes affirming, they have never been life-altering. They’ve never changed my path or set me on any course of direction. I have never made decisions based on them.)
The closest I have come to any sort of alternative, mystic or spiritual embracing was when I was about to give birth. I heavily embraced hypnobirthing and we took 8 weeks of classes full of meditation, mantras, visualization, and looking to the power within our bodies. I wanted a birth totally free of medical interventions. These classes were incredibly powerful and left me feeling charged. But….
I ended up with a c-section and pumped full of medication after 20 hours of trying to hypnobirth my way through an induction after being 11 days past my ‘due date’.
Sure, I was glad I had the knowledge that hypnobirthing gave me — but it sure as hell didn’t make my birth pain-free or anything like that. In fact, in the end, medical intervention was absolutely necessary.
So, what has changed? Why am I ready to embrace my inner badass goddess and start casting spells??
I think that this commitment I have to ‘putting myself in the way of beauty’ is being translated into many things.
It has become about putting myself in situations that allow the creativity inside of myself to flow, to recharge, and to amplify. What I am finding is that those situations are becoming about me seeking out experiences where I have the chance to look inward, into my own power, in order to create and connect.
Enter Secret Circles.
If you are local to Salt Lake City, you’ve probably heard of Secret SLC. After working with founder Baya Voce (and other amazing women) on this event as merely a cocktail consultant––I was so incredibly blown away with the final product. The NYE ‘event’ was like nothing else I had ever been to. It was truly an experience, calling it an ‘event’ seems almost silly.
It was another world.
A few months later, Secret Circles was born. I remember the first time I saw Baya mention it and it was as though everything in my body screamed “yes!” — so many women need this, want this, crave this. Me being one of them. And, knowing what I did after Secret SLC’s NYE party, I was sure whatever Baya was doing was going to be experiential and powerful.
It took me a few events to commit to it. I, like so many of you, have a busy schedule and I don’t think I was open enough yet to embrace some of the themes of the Circle. However, when it was announced that June’s Circle was going to be about unleashing the power within, I knew (KNEW!) I had to attend. It was so in line with my personal journey––and I had made a promise to put myself in the way of beauty, after all.
What could be more beautiful than a group of women finding their inner power–– and affirming the inner power they see in others?
I don’t want to say too much about what happened specifically at the Circle. I feel a little selfish about it and want to keep it close. But there a few takeaways that were so powerful, I wanted to share them.
It should be noted that I went to June’s Circle by myself. I didn’t take a friend; I didn’t know anyone else who was attending (other than Baya). As an introvert, this was a hard step for me to take — but from the moment I entered the space, I knew I was among friends. And, being alone was totally ok and in many ways, even preferred.
One of the aspects to the evening was participating in an intuition circle. This is where my skin got a little itchy. We were asked to sit in a circle of about 15 women, women who for the most part did not know each other. One by one, we tapped into our intuition in order to speak out loud what we ‘knew’ about each woman sitting there. And, when you don’t really ‘know’ any of them, this could seem nearly impossible to do. But we were asked to trust ourselves, and it worked.
“Just speak what you see in her. Share what you see when you look at her.”
This was our task.
After 2 or 3 women, our group found some comfort, and it started becoming very clear that we did, in fact, know a lot about each other. Just by looking and observing and trying to understand another person’s experience.
I was very last.
It started becoming very comfortable to share what I saw in these beautiful, powerful, smart women––but I was getting increasingly nervous about if they would be able to see anything of value in me. Not because I don’t feel that I am valuable, but because I didn’t necessarily feel that I was radiating my value.
But one by one, these women shared what they saw in me. And to be honest, I don’t even remember a lot of what they said specifically. But I do remember how I felt (that’s a quote, right?).
I FELT SEEN.
And, I do remember two very specific things.
- “You are an artist and you understand other people’s art.”
- “You are on a journey to transform your art and you’re working hard.”
How could they possibly know this?
That circle of women held power beyond my understanding.
As we went through the evening, there was a lot of time to reflect and celebrate through visualization, journaling, listening to the evening’s mentors, and a sweet dance party.
A few other takeaways that I came away with, and specifically wrote down from the Circle were:
You write about cocktails to be in a community. Not because you’re a writer. Be a WRITER. You are a writer.
…..Ready to rise from the ashes of the past.
I will let go of: the expectation of others and the version of myself that is no longer true.
I will claim: The true writer within. My innate and real, authentic talents. My own creativity. My own voice. My own soul.
I release the expectations and judgments of others. I claim the writer within.
I will not seek power over,
but power with and in.
Don’t worry about what you SHOULD write. Just. Write.
I want to thank the women that were at June’s Circle, for bringing the power “with” and “in” — and allowing me to feel powerful alongside of you. As I held hands with women I didn’t know, and we burned what we will let go of and what we will claim (and said it out loud), I felt as though a true sisterhood was happening. And while I have many dear girlfriends, I have never felt the power of the feminine quite like that before.
So, here’s to continuing on my journey.
So far, putting myself in the way of beauty is paying off in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
You can find out more about Secret Circles
by following @SecretCircles_ on Instagram or
requesting an invitation here.
Thank you to @ladystephaniephoto for
some of the beautiful photos of the Circle used in this post.